THE CHURCH OF CHRIS MARTIN TO HATCH JADE EGG BUSINESS

MOTHER GWYNETH IS FULL OF IDEAS. SOME ARE EXCELLENT; WHILST OTHERS BRING SHAME UPON THE GOOD NAME OF OUR BLESSED CHAPEL OF CHRIS.composite-gwynneth-v3I SHAN’T GET INTO THE MERITS OF VAGINAL STEAMING OR THE JOYS OF ANAL SEX HERE BUT I WILL Announce A new MONEY-MAKING OPPORTUNITY FOR OVER-FILLING OUR CHURCH COFFERS WITH FILTHY LUCRE & THAT IS JADE EGGS! THE VIRGIN SISTERS OF COLDPLAY¬†ENLIGHTENMENT HAVE FOUND SOME ROCKS AT THE COLDPLAY CREEK & WILL PAINT THEM A SHINY FOREST GREEN COLOR. WE CAN SELL THESE YONI PEBBLES FOR A PRETTY PENNY–ALL PROCEEDS WHICH ARE TO BE POURED BACK INTO THE GLASTONBURY YELLOW OUTREACH TENT FOUNDATION. SOME OF THE PRETTIER ROCKS, I MEAN, JADE EGGS WILL BE FASHIONED INTO EGG PRAYER NECKLACES, FOR THOSE DEVOUT SOULS UNWILLING TO INSERT THEM INTO THE NETHER REGIONS. PLEASE SUPPORT THIS MOST WORTHY BUSINESS BY BUYING SOME CHURCH EGGS, CRAFTED BY THE DELICATE HANDS OF VIRGINAL NUNS IN SPIRITUAL THRALL TO THE GLORIES OF COLDPLAY. MAY THE BLESSINGS OF COLDPLAY COME UPON YOU & YOURS. AND MAY THE JADE EGGS DELIVER YOU INTO THE ETERNAL RAPTURE. AMEN.

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