fat-man-eating-spaghetti-with-his-hands-and-drinking-beerIt was just one year ago when the magnificence of Coldplay was displayed to a world wide audience at the Super Bowl Half Time show.

The beer-guzzling masses– gobbling chicken wings and pizza, had before them, the most wonderful of song warblers on display. While they wiped the grease off and chugged some Pepto-Bismol to keep the junk food from coming back up, The greatness of Chris & Coldplay –like an apparition-appeared to the turgid souls in bondage to the booze, bimbos and BBQ.

I remember the moment as if IT were yesterday. My heart leaped out of my chest in delight as our Brit balladeer stormed the Half Time stage and set to warbling the best of the Coldplay song book. The only problem? Chris, in his generous way, had invited Bruno Mars and Beyoncé to join him. Normally, this would not be a problem, but COLDPLAY WAS TASKED WITH A SPECIAL MISSION HERE from the Great Beyond–they were to channel a MESSAGE to the MASSES of peace, love & understanding. But then here come gangster wannabe Bruno Mars strutting like a peacock and taking away the stage from our eminence Martin. Even worse, stage stealer Jezebel Beyoncé appears and all eyes are on her!  Pretty soon Black Orchid Bey is in formation and doing her BLACK POWER best to ruin the gentle continence of the Coldplay message. What happened here? Coldplay GOT UPSTAGED by their own friends. Yes, the internet was abuzz with platitudes on the band’s performance but that is like singing to the choir.

Our Beloved had allowed his own Half Time Show to run away from him and Coldplay. The belching beer swillers and chip shovelers were drunk enough to receive the Coldplay message but it had been diluted by allowing Bruno Mars & Beyoncé to trample on the Holy Grounds. Hence, a survey of Half Time Shows remind us that one of the greatest of live performers–Coldplay–is  relegated to BEHIND KATY PERRY-as a football half-time talent. This is an abomination! And I blame Beyoncé & Bruno.

Which of these recent Super Bowl halftime performances was your favorite?

  • 11%
    Beyoncé, 2013

  • 49%
    Bruno Mars, 2014

  • 26%
    Katy Perry, 2015

  • 14%
    Coldplay, 2016

Some of the comments after the performance gave pause: One person wrote: “Cackling at how bland Coldplay seemed in comparison to Bey and Bruno. My only gripe is that she didn’t push Chris Martin off the stage.”

Another added: “Coldplay did amazing. They gave Bey & Bruno too much stage time tho.”

Now. normally, the fire breathers here at the Chapel of Chris would demand a condemnation of Bey and Bruno for their taking the wind out of the Coldplay sails but we are a compassionate lot. Bruno is a cool guy and now that Beyoncé is with child(ren,) we cannot bring ourselves to throw the proverbial book at them for stepping on Coldplay’s toes. It still was a wonderful performance and even though most of the audience was 2 sheets to the wind and probably about to have a heart attack from all the fatty ribs and greasy burgers they were chomping, maybe a little portion of the GREAT MESSAGE of COLDPLAY seeped into their besmirched brains–enough to make a small difference in the state of the world we wish to influence with the Coldplay redemption. As our Music Marvel said: “We decided we wanted to make it about togetherness, acceptance and the things we believed in.”  Amen to that.





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