IT IS A GLORIOUS DAY HERE AT THE CHURCH of CHRIS MARTIN. Pope Francis has made a holy conclusion that divorced Catholics (of which there are many in the Cloister of Chris) may receive the sacraments of the Church, despite the fact that they are evil divorcees or hail from broken marriages.
Our Blessed Marion-Worshiping Vicar of Rome proclaimed that the Vatican is now supportive of letting divorced and civilly remarried Catholics receive Communion under certain conditions. Those being that if a “Catholic in a new civil union believes, after a path of spiritual discernment searching for God’s will that he or she can be at peace with God, “he or she cannot be precluded from participating in the sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist,” said the new Vatican guidelines.
Church teaching holds that unless divorced Catholics receive an annulment — or a church decree that their first marriage was invalid — they are committing adultery and cannot receive Communion. Now many of the Chris(ites) naturally are appalled at the notion of adultery–despite our own Chris Martin and his consort, Mother Gwyneth, running around on each other. The Jezebels and Bathshebas of Hollywood almost managed to snatch away our Consecrated Chris from his spiritual mission–especially towards the end of the unhappy marriage to Mother Gwyneth. So the pious womenfolk–most especially the (non-celibate) Sisters of the Divine Incarnation of Virgins–who all covet our Brit warbler and Coldplay crooner–realized that our Papal pal was making it okay to get married again after that first divorce and still be a good Catholic & not an adulterer. Many of these devout women of God cherish the notion, however deluded, that they perhaps, if it is God’s will, might capture the love of our Viva la Vida master. It is enough to hope for such a wonderful thing to happen like that. And these nuns are usually the sternest of Church taskmasters. They praised Pope Francis for his wisdom and ecumenical discernment and then celebrated as these pictures below show.
So much of our Church work is against the spiritual warfare of coldplaying.com. The inbred threaders at that debased website take delight in the vicissitudes our Church of Chris continuously suffer. But such fate only emboldens us forward in our Mission of Mercy for Chris. And to have a Good Friend like Pope Francis, who adores our namesake balladeer and cherishes the Church proper in his golden Vatican heart, makes the ongoing and unending warfare we must wage against the basement wankers of coldplaying.com almost bearable.
BrotheRob is organizing a delegation to travel to Rome to personally thank the Pope for giving new hope to devout Church women who may someday seek to get hitched again and want to be right with God when they do it. Being able to partake of Holy Communion and be able to go to Confession, where you can tell the Priests all your sins and not have to go to a therapist to do it, takes a big weight off the shoulders of the Pilgrims of Coldplay. Dearest Pope Francis, our Vestal Virgins and the True Widow will be calling on you soon with another gift in thanks to your making things right for those of us who wish to not be branded adulterers, fornicators or practicers of false doctrine.
May the glory of Chris alight on you and yours in the New Years. Amen.