grapes-blessing-1-728To welcome the new Year, the Chapel of Chris is planning a BLESSING OF THE GRAPES. This is a symbolic gesture of welcoming but it is also an important ecumenical statement. The Bible says in John 15: “I am the true vine. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.”

Thus, the Blessing of the Grapes signifies that the Church aspires to bear much fruit and the event is rich in symbolism and majesty. 

The custom of blessing grapes, the first fruits of the harvest, can be traced back to Old Testament times, when farming was a common vocation. Grapes had a special place of honor and were considered the “first fruits” because they were the first produce of harvest. Just as in the Old Testament days, we, The Church of Chris, are “first fruits.” We are the  righteous initiates who go forth and proclaim the goodness of Chris. Here is the Liturgy that BrotheRob will recite at the Invocation of the Blessing of the Grapes:

“Blessed art Thou, Brother and Sister in Chris. May the inexpressible radiant of the first light, form and image of the invisible God … who didst call thyself the vine; and thy followers, the branches; and Thy Church of Chris, a cultivator, who sanctifies those who are fruitful in righteousness (The Church of Chris Martin) and cuts off the unfruitful and condemns them to the eternal fire of Hell. (coldplayingcom)

The juice of the grape makes the wine, of which the Church is much disposed to enjoy. This fruit of the vine, which dispels sadness and creates gladness, as the Holy Bible states: “Wine that maketh glad the heart of man.”  Therefore. bless these bunches of grapes which hath been donated to Thine Altar & grant remission of sins and spiritual fortitude and well-being to all who partake of this blessed offering with faith.

  • Bless, O Lord, the vineyards and the vinestock from which these grapes came to Thy Holy Church for blessing.  Make them fruitful like fertile fields. Make them like the Church pilgrims who flock to Glastonbury with the noble obligation to experience the Coldplay redemption. May the fruit of the vine bloom within the souls of our loveliest Yellow Tent Outreach Volunteers, who seek out and cultivate the seed of the everyday Coldplay fan and turn them into raving Church congregants. Let the wine from the vine tally forth into our glorious minds where the Word of Coldplay can ferment its imprintuar onto our Golden Hearts.


  • O Lord, protect the vineyards and the farms against all kinds of accidents which happen because of our sinful acts.  Keep them free of hail, frosts, sunburn, and other harmful insects & vermin, so that through Thy bountiful mercy we may be deserving of sharing the product of Thy vinestock, at The Chapel Table of Glory. Embolden us to glorify the Holy Quaternity of Coldplay.”


The Sacred Wine of Coldplay is then poured into the Chris Martin Goblet where all can sip the goodness of the vine. Lest we fall into complacency, Our Church must continue to denounce the superficial vine–that of the debauchery of Judas,

These defilers of the Church do not possess the life of the vine flowing through them. Instead they are like a dead branch that will never bear fruit. The useless heretics who post the most inane threads are like Judas, who tried to appear to be united with Jesus back in the day, but instead was nothing more then a betrayer and apostate–doomed to burn in the Lake of Fire. They may admire Chris; attend Coldplay shows, even be able to answer all the questions correctly in a Coldplay lyrical exam. But they go through the motions only and they will be removed and burned, like a useless branch which will never bear fruit.


We-the fruit-bearing branches are pruned so we might bear more fruit. We know these branches represent Chris(tians,) because only Christ(ians) can bear fruit. Pruning is not done only once—it is a constant process.  After continual pruning, our righteous branches bear much fruit to glorify Chris. Let us sip this blessed wine and partake of the grapes of the vine so that we might glimpse the glory of our Chris, most sublime. Amen.




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