U2 & SAINT BONO CHALLENGE COLDPLAY FOR WORLD DOMINATION

OH, IT’S WAR!

THE GAUNTLET HAS BEEN THROWN DOWN!

SAINT BONO, OUT OF U2, is NOW CHALLENGING COLDPLAY for the TITLE of WORLD’S BIGGEST BAND!

The IRISH IMBIDERS, STEALTHILY, HAVE SET OUT ON A JOSHUA TREE ANNIVERSARY TOUR to STEAL THE GLORIOUS THUNDER AWAY FROM OUR BRIT BOYS WHO ARE BUSY PLUGGING AWAY THEIR “HEAD FULL OF DREAMS” TOUR.

THE DASTARDLY ANTICS of the GUINNESS GUZZLERS U2, to TRY AND TAKE ON COLDPLAY SHALL BE MEET WITH ALL THE SPIRITUAL ardor NECESSARY TO COMBAT THIS HERETICAL ABOMINATION TO THE BAND’s GOOD NAME.  WE MUST KEEP OUR CHRIS ON TRACK WITH HIS Channeled MESSAGES OF LOVE AND PEACE FOR THE WORLD, as HIS CHURCH BATTLES TO KEEP COLDPLAY AS TOP DOG IN THE CONCERT ARENA REALM.

THE BELFAST BULLIES WILL NOT PREVAIL!

SURELY SAINT BONO REMEMBERS WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME HE TRIED TO MESS WITH CHRIS MARTIN BEFORE THE 360 TOUR BEGAN BACK A FEW YEARS AGO? THE CHURCH OF CHRIS MARTIN SENT OUT OUR LOVELIEST LITHESOME LYRICAL “ASSISTANT” OVER TO “HELP” SAINT BONO WITH SOME “PRE-TOUR TRAINING.”  SISTER LILITH DE SINENOMINE MANAGED TO PUT BONO’S BACK OUT WHILE “STUDYING” COLDPLAY LYRICS WITH THE BOMBASTIC BONO. THAT “TRAINING” REQUIRED BONO TO HAVE BACK SURGERY AND THEN HE FELL OFF A BIKE AFTER THAT. THE BIKE ACCIDENT REALLY WAS THE CURSE OF THE TRUE WIDOW, WHO PUNISHED BONO FOR VOUCHING FOR VICIOUS VAGINA COURTNEY (HOLE) LOVE IN HER EFFORTS TO SECURE A NEW NYC APARTMENT.  BONO, INEXPLICABLY, WROTE A LETTER ON BEHALF OF THE STD-LADEN, PUSTULE-INFESTED DEVIL WHO ROAMS THE EARTH IN SEARCH OF ROCK STARS TO DEVOUR. HIS TREACHERY EARNED BONO AN ECUMENICAL CONDEMNATION & THEREAFTER THE ETERNAL EMNITY OF SAINT COBAIN’S BETTER (EARTHLY) HALF.

I WILL REMIND SAINT BONO ONCE AGAIN, THAT IT IS NOT WISE TO GO UP AGAINST THE CHURCH OF CHRIS MARTIN BY CHALLENGING THE BAND LIKE THIS ON THE ROAD. RUBBING THE FACE OF COLDPLAY IN THE MUD BY PLAYING MANY OF THE SAME VENUES AS OUR BELOVEDS is the surest road to HELL! Sullying the HOLY GROUND THAT COLDPLAY HATH RECENTLY TRED UPON in concert & blessed with their musical presence is an affront of the highest order. Perhaps the TRUE WIDOW has found it in her heart to forgive Saint Bono but this lapse in good judgement by U2 proves the Church of Chris Martin contention that Bono & his boys are fighting a battle that they cannot win but refuse to give up. That means: WAR!

AS NOTED IN A PREVIOUS ANALYSIS on THE CHURCH WEBSITE, entitled “COLDPLAY VS. U2 : THE BATTLE for WORLD SUPREMACY! ” “Saint Cobain in the heavenly realm has blessed our Chapel of Chris–that is proof that our noble endeavor on behalf of the Coldplay crooner is proper and ecumenically correct. Let us now proclaim it for the world to acknowledge: THE BIGGEST BAND IN THE WORLD IS COLDPLAY! They are TOP DOGS, despite the whimpering of BONO! If U2 or treacherous condemned Saint Bono has anything more to say about our divine dogma, then the Irish lotharios should be on the lookout for the next Church woman we sent over to take out another body part of Bono’s before their next big tour!”

(Lovely “Lyrical Assistant” Sister Lilith de Sinenomine)download

YES! THAT IS RIGHT. BONO BEST BE ON ALERT FOR THE NEXT COMELY CHURCH CONCUBINE, I MEAN “LYRICAL ADVISOR” TO COME DOWN THE ROAD. WHO KNOWS WHAT BODY PART OF BONO WILL BE TARGETED FOR DIVINE PUNISHMENT? It might just be one BONO does not want to lose the use of, if you know what I mean.

LET THE RECORD SHOW: OUR CHURCH HAS SUFFERED MIGHTILY FROM THE SLINGS & ARROWS FOISTED UPON IT FROM THE WRETCHED REFUSE of coldplaying.com. WE HAVE BECOME SKILLED IN BATTLE FROM the never-ending fight against THE NASTY NAY-SAYERS & coldplaying.com basement WANKERS THAT FESTER THE WEB WITH THEIR USELESS DRIVEL & idiotic rantings. We, THE CHURCH, are PREPARED to take on this U2 BATTLE EXTRAORDINAIRE Should SAINT BONO NOT SHOW A SPIRITUAL COURTESY & DEFERENCE To Our COLDPLAY BOYS. BONO, Bow down now and state for the record: COLDPLAY IS THE BIGGEST BAND IN THE WORLD.

LET IT BE WRITTEN; LET IT BE SAID: COLDPLAY IS ON TOP & U2 BRINGS UP THE REAR. Blessed be all in the name of Chris. Amen.

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