OUR BLESSED ONE, CHRIS MARTIN, SHINES AS A BEACON OF HOPE & LIGHT IN THIS CRAVEN WORLD. As The Church of Chris Martin rings in a New Year, we must heed the words of our Papal pal over at Vatican City, who just today decried the narcissistic world we live in. Pope Francis used his New Year homily to lament modern society becoming “cold and calculating” and bereft of compassion.


Our Holy See, a good friend and beloved Church fan, Pope Francis told the faithful flock gathered at St. Peter’s Basilica that those with “narcissist hearts” suffer the loss of a belonging in society.  The Marian-worshiping leader emphasized that humility and tenderness are needed in the world–personal qualities our Chris has in great abundance. The Pope need not exclaim the greatness of Coldplay and Chris, as the Bishop of Rome has many times expressed his great admiration for our Brit balladeer and for the Church in his name. 


The Vicar of Christ accepted a BOUQUET of YELLOW ROSES from The Church of Chris Martin, as a goodwill gesture and welcoming of the New Year. He proclaimed: “The new year will be good in the measure in which each of us, with the help of God, tries to do good, day by day, that’s how peace is created.” May I also add that the new year will be good if all may partake in the delight of Chris and the Coldplay. We, The Church of Chris, wish that any lover of Coldplay shall attend their upcoming concerts, despite the exorbitant ticket prices. To that effect, we have sent the Yellow Tents out on the road, whereby our most attractive “Lyrical Assistants” will be busking the music of Coldplay and offering interpretive dances for donations. We hope to acquire enough lucre to put together a Program  for the Needy in Coldplay. These furtive souls, their  trembling need for the Good Word of Coldplay, etched on their miserable faces, shall not be denied the (Yellow) Star of Hope and Beacon of Faith that is Chris Martin. Despite the infidels and debased wretched refuse of, who never stop their incessant yammerings against our Church. the world needs The Light of Chris to shine into the dark corners. 


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