Dearest in Chris;
In an effort to gauge the interest of our accursed former enemy, coldplaying.com, in coming to a detente in hostilities, I have become a spy and posted several comments on their various threads. I noticed that many of these coldplaying.com misanthropes are in need of deodorant. Several of the debased followers cry out in anguish for the “Ode to Deodorant.” In fact, there is a thread on this debased website devoted entirely to coldplayers pleading for deodorant! How sad this is!
Well here is our reply, which I have posted today on their “deodorant” thread:
May the graciousness of Chris surround you and yours and keep you in good smelling.
Yes, coldplaying.com.,The Church of Chris will remove that obnoxious odor from your decaying earthly body and also from your fermenting, putrid soul. For only 150 Euro dollars, The Church of Chris Martin will deliver you from the evil of malodorous sins. BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL: Buy 2 bottles of FIX YOU B.O. for only 400 Euro Dollars & get a 2017 Calendar of the Chaste Chicks of Church of Chris Martin for free! This deal will surely sell out soon! Get a look at why rock stars the world over clamor for the chance to “study Coldplay lyrics” with these bodacious pilgrims. Don’t wait! Get yours while it lasts!