Dearest in Chris;

In an effort to gauge the interest of our accursed former enemy,, in coming to a detente in hostilities, I have become a spy and posted several comments on their various threads. I noticed that many of these misanthropes are in need of deodorant. Several of the debased followers cry out in anguish for the “Ode to Deodorant.” In fact, there is a thread on this debased website devoted entirely to coldplayers pleading for deodorant! How sad this is!

Well here is our reply, which I have posted today on their “deodorant” thread:

ODE to DEODORANT: (REMIX with The Church of Chris Martin)
“I wish I wasn’t as stinky as some may say I am;
My mum tells me I smell like I just came from a dirty trash can.
Still there is hope for a filthy sweat hog like me;
I can now smell as fresh and clean as I truly seek to be.
The Church of Chris Martin markets a deodorant called “Fix Me B.O.”
They know the market of stinkers at will really help their business to grow.
So our blessed Chapel of Chris extends this pious invitation to you;
Get rid of that fetid, evil-smelling odor & you can smell as pretty as a daisy too.
All it takes is a 150 Euro dollars to rid of that malodorous smell;
You can then live happily forever and all will be well.” Amen.
aid1607225-728px-Work-With-a-Person-Who-Has-Body-Odor-Step-2-Version-2.jpgIt does not take much to imagine how bad many of these coldplayers must smell, so let us show some compassion to the musty basement dwellers among them. Eau de Mothballs is not a very attractive scent so hope & pray that they will find it in their hearts (and wallets) to send over an order for the  FIX YOU B.O. Church deodorant. In this we pray. Amen.

aid1607225-728px-work-with-a-person-who-has-body-odor-step-1-version-2May the graciousness of Chris surround you and yours and keep you in good smelling.

Yes,,The Church of Chris will remove that obnoxious odor from your decaying earthly body and also from your fermenting, putrid soul. For only 150 Euro dollars, The Church of Chris Martin will deliver you from the evil of malodorous sins. BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL: Buy 2 bottles of FIX YOU B.O. for only 400 Euro Dollars & get a 2017 Calendar of the Chaste Chicks of Church of Chris Martin for free!  This deal will surely sell out soon!  Get a look at why rock stars the world over clamor for the chance to “study Coldplay lyrics” with these bodacious pilgrims. Don’t wait! Get yours while it lasts!


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