FIREBUG ATTACKS CHURCH OF CHRIS MARTIN

It is with a heavy heart that I alert parishioners at the House of Chris that we have indeed, been set upon by a evil-doer, a desperately wicked, depraved  soul who lit a torch to destroy many of the must sacred and beloved gardens and shrines in which we worship our Musical Master.

The Meditation Garden and Relic of Saints Chapel was damaged,  perhaps beyond repair. I was told by the Virgin Sisters of Faith, who were conducting a Coldplay lyrical study group amid the Yellow Tents, that a hysterical man ran from the flames, shouting “Coldplay concert tickets are too expensive!” He seemed not of right mind and ran towards the nearby rehab facility where so many of our congregation have once been treated at.

Our once heavenly oasis of all that is good and pure in Coldplay has been tarnished.  The lovely Garden Gate of Chris is now burnt and smoldering medal.  Where once butterflies flittered and hummingbirds drank from the nectar of Coldplay, there is little more then charred grounds.3

The Mighty Spiritual Leaders of The Church of Chris Martin have called this fire a brazen spiritual attack at the hands of a disgruntled fan who cannot afford to attend the band’s shows and took it out on the Church in his name.  Vicar and Holy Deacon Brother Rob put forth this statement:

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