Women of the world: REJOICE!
Our fervent prayers have been answered!
God is great!
Chris Martin shall soon be single!
The Coldplay crooner has finally broken free from the bondage of Mother Gwyneth!
No longer will our glorious Chris bend to the whim & will of the GOOP monster!
The time has arrived that shall be forever remembered in Church history as a blessed day of sacred happiness!
Disclaimer: It is not a happy time to see a family broken apart.
HOWEVER, women are already lining up at the Cloister of Chris to obtain a repentance so as so go chase the Brit warbler for some one-on-one “discussions of Coldplay music.”
The Virgin Sisters in Chris have taken to the Fields of Flowers and our gayly dancing with glee that FINALLY our beneficent master of music will not be shackled in shame to the cuckolding of his Hollywood consort!
Even the reclusive NUNS of Coldplay have come out of their convent to rejoice in the great news of deliverance! These devout and pious women who have never known the pleasures of the flesh are wise enough to realize THE GREAT DAY THAT HAS ARISEN, thanks to the news that Chris is FREE!
May the goodness of Coldplay comer upon all those who uphold the virtues of Chris and the mercy of Yellow. Let us praise this news soberly (because of the angelic Martin children who shall soon be of a broken home) but celebrate, nevertheless, with heartfelt glee! REMINDER: ONLY those female Church members who have paid their indulgences, tithed 50% of their income and have sought a letter of introduction from a Church Deacon or BrotheRob are free to chase Chris once he is unhinged from the GOOP Jezebel. THANKFUL PRAYERS & BESEECHINGS to above have come true today! VIVA!