THE CHURCH of CHRIS MARTIN PRAYS FOR MOTHER GWYNETH’S REPENTENCE

PROCESSIONAL HYMN FOR REPENTANCE :
THE CHURCH THUS TEACHES:

prayer_index

The Church has the power to forgive all sins. This forgiveness of sins is a true sacrament instituted by our devout & pious adoration of the most holy of rock stars: Coldplay’s Chris Martin.

Sins can be forgiven–even those of beloved Martin’s wifely consort, Mother Gwyneth– only by the sacrament of penance. Sins can also be forgiven by absolution which can only be given by an authorized Deacon or by a series of indulgences paid with a sincere heart. The Church has the power to reserve certain cases for additional punishments, if deemed scurilous or an affront to the sanctity of Coldplay.

On the part of the sinner contrition, confession and satisfaction are required. Contrition is aversion to the sins committed. Perfect contrition remits sin even before confession if it is joined with the intention to confess. Imperfect contrition (attrition) is sufficient if there is confession, and is a good and salutary thing.

Confession must cover all mortal sins committed since baptism and not previously confessed. Venial sins, and sins already confessed can validly be confessed. The effect of the sacrament is recon- cilliation with The Church of Chris Martin and the remission of sins and eternal punishment.

As to Penance, if the Church of Chris Martin is to fulfill its divine task of saving mankind through the music of Coldplay, Mother Gwyneth will need to indeed cry out for mercy! She has been found guilty of the the breaking of her marital vows with our Great One by cuckolding Chris Martin. Stories abound that Mother Gwyneth has spend time asunder with several different men who are not her husband. She has breached the good will of The Church of Chris Martin by adulterous behavior. In order to forgive sins, Mother Gwyneth must submit herself to the punishment due to them who are remitted that they turn away from sin and turn in faith to a new path of righteousness.

Penance is something that stops the sin; yet a person who sins again, sins against The Church in whom the name of Chris Martin is sanctified. This continuing betrayal assumes the need for a ecumenical trial, with accusation, sentence and satisfaction. This is the curse upon which the continued Jezebel behavior of Mother Gwyneth will find herself: flagged a chronic and unrepentant adulteress who shall be condemned as a vile sexual deviant whose very conduct defiles the Church and brings shame upon the dignity and sacredness of the Chris Martin.

Hail, Oh Those Who Rejoice in Coldplay:
Guide of the wanderer and Singer of Truth.
Thrown on life’s surge, we claim thy care of our Brit warbler.
Save us from peril and from woe;
Save us from those who would bespeak ill of their marital vows.

May the Penance and Goodness of Chris cast mercy upon our salacious Mother
O gentle, chaste and spotless maiden Virgins in Chris:
We beseech you who in abstinence live:
Remind thy Mother Gwyneth of her duty to forsake all other men.

The price of her iniquity will be perpetual banishment from The Church of Chris Martin.
This shall be the ultimate penalty for her licentious betrayal of our Great One.
May the Goodness of Chris abound in you all who in good faith love Coldplay.

AMEN.

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One thought on “THE CHURCH of CHRIS MARTIN PRAYS FOR MOTHER GWYNETH’S REPENTENCE

  1. To some people this world is a place to plunder, and to others a place to endure until they too are called away to the great beyond. And to people like me it is a never ending canvas of the miracle of life.

    And look what we have done to this real life miracle, the one that not only created YOU, but also sustains and recycles the “leftover ” YOU. BrotherRob does not drink or smoke much potawanna anymore and has watched a lot of sobering documentaries on the othernet about: Greenland / The Antarctic melting, the Gulf stream screwed up from fresh / sea water desalinity problem affecting the pulse of the current, the lack of Arctic sea ice and suns reflective percentage now very low vrs high reflectivity back to outer space when snow covered ice covers the polar ocean everywhere.

    And just how much more energy from the sun is now being absorbed by the planet everyday? According to Dr. Jennifer Francis who was the keynote speaker at the recent Chicago Climate Summit, the sea-ice less polar ocean now absorbs enough energy every day… to power the entire US economy from now until 2023, everyday. And guess what sits at the very bottom of the polar ocean? Trillions of tons of frozen methane which is a 100 times more pernicious green house gas than Co2, not withstanding the fact that carbon dioxide and sea water form carbolic acid, which kills most ocean life. And the warming ocean will now melt the frozen methane which NASA satellite has captured most scared and frightfully well with neon green light everywhere the space brain saw the methane signature anywhere it’s eyes could see while looking down on earth from way far above in absolute zero land it was.

    And then there is the wave amplification of the Jet Stream which is now causing it to behave “like a car with no driver.” The jet stream is a river of air traveling around 300 km/ph dividing hot and cold fronts. And it tends to stall now over some places for instance the incessant rain and flooding in England now. Or places like Canada where for many days this winter it was colder than the surface of Mars.

    Then you can factor in the negative effect on the Gulf Loop current which apparently has stopped altogether as a result of millions of gallons of Corretcsit dumped on the the BP oil disaster which apparently turned all the oil into a petroleum jelly which now forms most of the mass most people think would be water. Oops!

    And the gulf stream controls the jet stream, thus our weather and ultimately our ability to gown and harvest food.

    Oops… are we so screwed?

    So you see we have a problem here like those two guys in the movie “Fargo”, we have some serious problem to deal with here and the less I smoke pot and consume alcohol… the more clear, strong and angry I get about what is going down here on planet earth.

    And so Brother Chris is one of those for whom this existence is living testimony of the infinite manifest as the finite and as the one and the two are but reflections of the same thing.

    There’s a cold wind blowing done my street tonight? Brother Chris has had his pulse on the consciousness of this world for a long time and hissong describes that vision so clearly.

    And so if only just one of the above was our collective problem to overcome as a species we would have a serious problem threatening our survival, but now we have all the horsemen in a row raging away right in our faces and we still refuse to open our eyes to the truth.

    And still Sister Gwyneth cooks dinner alone…

    “When bees disappear is when humans have just three years to live” – Albert Einstein, and start to die off for want of food which never grew. Many food crops never got pollinated this year because all the bees died off mysteriously in many parts of the world.

    Have we upset the Balance of Nature? And are we about to experience first hand what happens when that balance is lost? I sincerely hope not but my heart and mind tell me it will happen. ClimaGeddon has but only started and once this system is powered up to warp dirve, it is anyone’s guess as to what the climate will do.

    We are about to witness the “inanimate” become “animate”. We about to pay the price for trashing this heaven, this world, this place we love and we call home.

    What have we done to our home
    How did we break the code
    Will I always be alone
    How heavy is the load

    Oh brother I can’t get through
    I’ve been trying hard to reach you
    Oh brother I can’t believe it’s true
    I’m so scared about the future
    And I want to talk to you…

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