Out of the ashes, a phoenix has arisen! BROTHEROB,one of the most devout & beloved members of the first incarnation of The Church of Chris Martin has sent me an utterance! This is what Brotherob wrote:
“It’s Brotherob and I am so glad the church has risen again like the phoenix of ancient Egypt or whenever that was. I did google the church some time ago and got Go Daddy. The same server that hosts a website for child predators, only the church url was for sale?
Anyway, I tried to register but never got an email back so I feel real hurt. Really.
I have a great story about their last show here but will share that at a later date. I really want to see Katy Perry live. Preferably at my lace for the night! What an amazing talent she is.
I’ll be back! Viva!”
As you can see, our dear Brotherob wanted to register with Go Daddy, which is a server for pedophiles and debased predators of coldplaying.com. Perhaps, with his righteous hands besmirched, Rob took a Chastity Leave of Absence from his churchly duties in order to self-flagellate and rid his earthly body of the Satanistic impulse of internet fraternalization with coldplaying.com.
But as if a miracle of Chris, our greatly admired Rob arose, as if a great spiritual rebirth! A resurrection of sorts. The songs and music of Coldplay called out–like a siren–to this great man of Drobbington–to come forth–and minister once again to the great unwashed of the world–the coldplaying scum, vermin, harlots, wanking fools and debased vultures and jackals that prowl our besmirched world!
WELCOME BACK BROTHEROB! The Church prayed unceasingly for your soul! Tantalized by the toothless whores that troll the drug-plagued back alleys and bear trails of Vancouver B.C., was but a brief stirring of lust and sensual pleasure for this great man of Chris. Also, I have had a spiritual revelation that with Coldplay off tour and not making any new music, Rob fell into deep despair and cried out for mercy. Brotherob has now heard that Coldplay will be offering a new song to the Hunger Games II soundtrack. That fact brought life to the quivering shambles of a man that Rob had become without the spiritual succor of Coldplay !
The Church will offer a HOLY CELEBRATORY CELEBRATION to welcome Rob back to his cloister of Chris. We will spare no expense to feat the dearest son of our spiritual Father Drobbingdon. Bribes have already been paid to local authorities to “overlook” the extreme debauchery that most certainly will occur as the pristine Virgins of Chris and the great men of admiration in Coldplay seek to welcome back to his Throne of Beneficence, our most spectacular Jesuit of Rebirth who was once dead, but has now been resurrected in the Glory of Coldplay! Hallelujah!