MOTHER GWYNETH BRINGS SHAME to THE CHURCH of CHRIS MARTIN!

mother g\

I know you see me
and are looking at my sheer dress.
I know that I should have worn panties and a bra
but my stylist always knows best.
Yeah, on the outside I may look sleek and bony
But on the inside, it’s all just Hollywood phony.

Cause I’m country strong
Sometimes right but mostly wrong.
Have you checked out my lifestyle blog–GOOP?
I have the best recipes for colon cleanses that will help you poop.

Now People Magazine says I am the hottest chick on the planet.
But when I go getting all righteous and condescending, my husband says “can it!”
Oh, I am starring in a new blockbuster called Iron Man III;
Go on my GOOP website for diuretic recipes that will help you pee.

I wore another terrible dress to the Oscars a few years ago.
That was another time I should have worn a bra, that I know.
Did you know my new cookbook made the New York Times best-seller list?
Jessica Alba also has a cookbook out now & I bet she is pissed.

934_gwyneth-paltrow-feet-328803726

Haters may hate me and the jealous Church women who desire my husband can all just go to hell.
Because I am Gwyneth Paltrow and I think I am just plain swell!

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