A divine occurrence, dearest Church members! At the Spring Celebration of Chris, a glorious cloud swept the sky and an angel appeared! This was a sign that the heavenly realm approves of our blessed honoring of the Coldplay great!
Whereas winter will soon be over and the beauty of springtime will enrapture us all; so is it that despite the hard, cruel world we live in; the magnanimous and cherished talents of Chris grace our world with hope for the future.
Here is the spring Novena we chanted upon sunrise at The Celebration of Chris:
“Oh, Gracious One of Coldplay, obtain for me which I ardently desire from the depths of my heart.
You who were so compassionate toward miserable sinners and evil abominations like coldplaying.com., regard not the unworthiness of those who beseech you, but the glory of Coldplay shall be magnified forevermore. With persevering earnestness we implore that the band reconsider their self-imposed 3-year hiatus.
The Church cries to the heavens to propel Coldplay back to the tour stage and studio to record more music. May the divine assistance remain always with us as we, the chaste and pious, always be a source of joy and be fortified with spiritual fruits. The Chapel of Chris offers a sincere supplication for assistance in helping the band get back to work so the world can continue to receive the Good Works their music brings. The Church cries out for the tender compassion and powerful assistance of this Coldplay Novena in that we have endured so many sufferings and hardships and need to be encouraged as we seek help in obtaining a favorable answer to our request for the favor we seek.
In the Sacred Heart of Chris Martin we find goodness and strength to carry on. Despite the coldplaying.com heretics and nay-sayers who constantly abuse our good natures, The Church of Chris Martin martyrs itself on the Rock of Coldplay Redemption. Chris–the lily of purity, ornament and glory of Coldplay–we salute you, great Musical Prophet, cherub of wisdom and seraph of divine love. In humility and confidence, the Church hereby requests you to cancel the Coldplay hiatus–we entreat you to remember the fans whose love of Coldplay is never-ending. Amen.