THE EXALTED CHURCH of CHRIS MARTIN Welcomes New Pope FRANCIS!

welcome to sun

HALLELUJAH! It is a glorious day! We have a new Pope friend over in Vatican City!

This one is a Jesuit! Just like Chris Martin–with a tendency towards a humble demeanor, modesty and someone not impressed at all with the usual pomp & ceremony! Pope Francis is a most cherished fellow spiritual warrior! His first stop after being proclaimed Pope was to visit Rome’s St. Mary Major basilica, dedicated to honoring Mother Mary. Pope Francis intended to pray to the Madonna “that she may watch over all of Rome.”

Cardinal Bergoglio chose the name Francis, drawing connections to the humble 13th-century saint who saw his calling as trying to rebuild the church in a time of turmoil. Just as our own Church of Chris Martin picked up the tattered remains of our virtual Chapel, after Father Drobbingdon abandoned us in a time of crisis and ran off with all the tithe monies and flattering photos of Chris. We have overcome much adversity and flourished at a time when many other Churches have fallen by the wayside. We attribute our glory and power to the greatness of our own members and the fact that we honor and hold dear the Blessed One of Coldplay.

The Church of Chris Martin would like to hereby issue a PROCLAMATION of WELCOME to our new Marian-worshiping Pope!
Here is the official LITURGY of a HAND in FRIENDSHIP to new POPE FRANCIS:

~~~The Church of Chris Martin~~~proudly welcomes new Pope Francis to the brotherhood of exalted spiritual members!
May our cherished mutual passions of proclaiming the GOOD NEWS bring us together in vibrant display of adoration. We, meek and humble souls of the Church of Chris Martin do hereby pray for Pope Francis and that his charismatic leadership of the Catholic Church leads to the peace and global unity we seek together with all other faiths, (except coldplaying.com) The Church joins our brothers in the Catholic Church as they welcome with joy, Pope Francis with renewed hope, and support His Holiness’ call for world unity and brotherhood.

In addition, May the Holy Father’s modest living, solidarity with the poor, and unceasing devotion and service to Good Works lead all humankind to an ever deeper oneness with God, Jesus, Mother Mary and Chris Martin.

In welcoming the new Pontiff and Bishop of Rome, The Church of Chris Martin officially declares Pope Francis as a gift from heaven… he is the choice of the Holy Spirit. Though our devout and chaste followers would have preferred an elevation of our own Coldplay crooner and Brit warbler to the Pontiff position, we acquiesce and defer to the Marian-worshipers over in Rome in their choice of the new Holy See. We applaud the elevating of a Jesuit to be the Vicar of Christ and many of our own faithful, with tears in their eyes, cried with joy when the new Pope was announced this week.

In choosing to call himself Francis, our new Pope linked himself with the much-loved Italian saint from Assisi associated with peace, poverty and simplicity. St. Francis was born to a wealthy family but later renounced his wealth and founded the Franciscan order of friars; he wandered about the countryside preaching to the poor and dispossessed. Just as our own Chris Martin wanders the world–calling his chosen people–the fans of Coldplay–to make the pilgrimage to arenas and stadiums worldwide–to hear the sanctified songs of Coldplay and perhaps achieve a spiritual nirvana and experience Coldplay redemption. At the previous Church of Chris Martin website, Father Drobbingdon, as he emerged from his existential despair down in the bunker, was inspired to pen a post about St. Chris of Assisi, whereby our beloved figurehead and leader compared the Blessed one of Exeter, Devon to that of the most holy St. Franics. Both share a cherished love for nature, birds, animals and all God’s living creatures –great and small.

So it is with pious love and admiration, that the righteous ones who witness to the greatness of Chris welcome to the fold, a wonderful new member to the world’s religious family. May the sublime anticipation of saving souls and guiding the Catholics in their faith arise upon our Pope Francis in a glorious annunciation of unity and devotion to those who aspire to the better angels of their earthly nature. Blessed are those who walk in the faith! Amen.

Jorge Bergoglio

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