The Annual Day of Celebration will soon be upon The Church of Chris Martin!
That is the day that the world was graced with the entrance of our most illustrious one, Chris Martin, into the world.
For that, his Church has cause for celebration and to show our great love for the Coldplay crooner, we hold the CHRIS MARTIN BIRTHDAY JUBILEE!
As Most Holy Mother Marion of the Virgin Sisters of the Cloistered Chastity Order of Chris Martin Novitiates readies the champagne glasses for our GARDEN JUBILEE CELEBRATION in beloved adoration of the UK warbler, we await this most HOLY DAY that Mother Martin imparted onto this craven world by the delivery of little Christopher Martin.
The Holy Elders are busy working on a new BIRTHDAY HOMILY & LITURGY that will touch upon the greatness of Chris Martin.
The Chicks of Chris Dance Group from our Las Vegas (Escort) Chapter has prepared an interpretative dance expressing the Love of Chris that abides in all our hearts. They promise not to dishonor Chris by removing their skimpy clothing at his Birthday Jubilee.
The Golden Throne and scepter that awaits Chris on the esteemed day he deigns to visit the Church founded on his good name will shine bright in the sun as the JUBILEE GARDEN CELEBRATION gets under way.
It shall be a DAY of PURE CELEBRATION in HONOR of the Great One of Coldplay on March 2. Save the date on your busy social calender. May the goodness of Chris rest upon you in an anointed repose of gracious goodness! Amen.