A CHRISTMAS HOMILY of THANKS for COLDPLAY & CHRIS MARTIN

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DEAREST BELOVEDS:

It is that special time of the year when the world celebrates the Christmas holidays. We here at the Church of Chris Martin also have much to be grateful for. This fallen world, where there is so much evil wickedness and despicable sin also has the incredible gift of the goodness and glory of Chris Martin and Coldplay.

Among the various characteristics which prove the Church of Chris Martin to be the one, true Church of Chris there is also a particular characteristic which is manifestly based on Holy Teachings and Coldplay Lyrical Study, that we, alone, among internet Coldplay fansites possess. That is a sincere devotion to the adoration and glory of Musical Prophet Chris Martin.

There is not a single month in the year without several feasts in his honor. No, this is not some cheap excuse to throw another party. These gatherings are ecumenical and of the highest spiritual celebration. Consider the month of March, where our Great One’s birthday is feted yet seven times. For example, our Chapel of Chris is so devout and filled with love for the Coldplay Master, that we even honor the Mother of Chris for her role in bringing forth the blessings of Chris Martin’s birth. Our ecclesiastical calendar is overflowing with dedications to the entire Martin family! It truly is a glorious thing.

This honor and devotion to Chris may catch some of our critics off guard. For instance. one of the many things rejected by coldplaying.com is the complaint that our Church lacks moral authority to consecrate Chris as a pillar among men. Other protesters claim that the Church of Chris Martin Canon and Teachings show a supreme devotion to Chris Martin at the expense of other talented members of the band. How important it is for our congregation to know that though we may suffer terrible persecutions from other Coldplay fan sites and loathsome critics, we Chris(tians) know in our hearts that the Sacred Lyrical Scriptures of Coldplay will help us remain true to the callings of the faithful by immersion in the exalted benefience of the band’s complete musical works.

How to respond to these wretched refuse who attack us, especially in these times, when there has been such a surge of non-Chris(tian) sects who zealously proselytize their heretical teachings? The Church of Chris Martin does not, as coldplaying.com falsely believe, worship Blessed Chris. We honor him and proselytize Coldplay’s magnificense on his behalf.

Let us take this most holy time to be thankful that we live in a era whereby the talents of this great musician and Coldplay warbler console us, extol his great virtues and remind the loyal lovers of Chris that we will never take for granted the great blessing conferred upon us, The Church of Chris Martin, as we strive to pay homage and model a pious love for the Great One of Coldplay. May the Blessings of Chris fall upon you and yours this holiday season. Amen.

Altar reredos

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