IT’S A “BEAUTIFUL (COLDPLAY) WORLD”

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“BEAUTIFUL (COLDPLAY) WORLD”

sung to “BEAUTIFUL WORLD”

Songs are singing;
All that we care to hear.
The Church of Chris Martin has grown;
our love for Coldplay held dear.

And we live in a beautiful(Coldplay) world (yeah we do yeah we do)
We live in a beautiful (Coldplay) world

Look at the sunset and see the moon;
Chris Martin sounds good even when out of tune.
The beauty of nature can take second place;
When we, The Church, gaze at Chris Martin’s face.

And we live in a beautiful (Coldplay) world (yeah we do yeah we do)
We live in a beautiful (Coldplay) world.

Oh all that we know is really nothing at all;
Yet we harken our hearts to the Coldplay call.
The heavens declare the Glory of Chris;
His goodness is enough to keep us safe from the abyss.

We live in a beautiful (Coldplay) world.

NEW SONG for an OLD YEAR: “SHOULD OUR WORLD END TONIGHT?”

end of the world Pete R

“SHOULD OUR WORLD END TONIGHT?”

Another year is over but what shall a new one bring?
The Church prays for another Coldplay album and to hear our Chris Martin sing!

Scribes, pundits and Nostradamus say the end may be near;
But full of true faith in Coldplay, we can face the end times without fear.

Chris sang with Michael Stipe at the 12-12-12 charity show;
if the world is going to end, it might be his last performance, for all we know.

The Church desires to arise to our heavenly home surrounded by Coldplay love;
we will sing Chris Martin’s praises as our holy ones ascend to our reward above.

Then when we are all united in God’s glorious presence and grace,
let us pray that our blessed ones can still gaze upon our Beloved Martin’s face.

For the Coldplay redemption has saved all our souls;
to reside forever in heaven with the Coldplay warbler is The Church of Chris Martin’s divine goal.

Amen.

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SISTERS of the BLESSED VIRGINS TRY FOR AN IMMACULATE MARTIN CONCEPTION!

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Dearest Friends & Saints:

It has come to the attention of the Church Elders that a beloved Soul in Chris, Novice Nun and Sister Chastity has had a revelation that she wishes to share with the congregation. Sister Chastity has authorized me to advise the Church of Chris Martin that she is desirous of attempting to experience an Immaculate Chris Martin Conception.

Because of the immense success The Church has experienced this year with the Coldplay Redemptions, various ministry outreach activities and the faith healings of the Potato-headed cripple and others, The Blessed Virgins of Chris wish to pray and seek a miracle of an immaculate conception. The devout and pious women insist that they are certain that they will be able to invoke a true miracle to call forth the holy spirit of Chris to overcome a young lady of the purest character and reputation to bring forth a blessed Coldplay progeny.

Whilst some parishioners might find this unseemly and even somewhat sacrilegious, the Church must support this young novice, as she feels called upon to uphold the glory of Chris. Sister Chastity will prepare for the Martian assumption by immersing herself for 24 hours in a specially prepared bath of Holy Chris Water. Then, after an anointing with YELLOW incense and Violet Hill oils, the hopeful mother will offer prayer and seek solace in the Chapel of Chris, where she will wait for the spirit of conception to seek her by listening to Coldplay music until the divine intervention occurs.

This great undertaking heralds us to celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Martin Conception, whereby the Church faithful will offer spiritual support to our young hopeful and pray that she becomes impregnated with the Miracle of Coldplay conception. The Bible says that if one has faith, you can move a mountain. The Church says, if one has faith, it is possible to get lucky with Chris! We hold these self-truths to be inevitable. May the majesty of Chris Martin overtake our pure Sister Chastity and bless her with a virtuous example of the Coldplay miracle. Amen.

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THE POPE REQUESTS WE REINSTATE BONO OUT OF U2 AS A CHURCH SAINT!

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My Most Holy Friends & Saints:

Lest there be any doubt as to the clout of Bono out of U2, be aware that he has put our beloved Marion-worshipping Pope Benedict up to requesting, on Christmaas Day no less, that we reinstate the egomanical Irish warbler into Church of Chris Martin sainthood! Despite the fact that Bono took up the lost cause of Courtney “Hole” Love and wrote a letter on her behalf, we, the most exalted Church of Chris Martin, are now asked to forgive these transgressions against our virtual Chapel of Coldplay adoration and welcome back into the fold–the duplitious and demon-consorting U2 frontman?

I went to the Shrine of Saints and forwarded a Holy Spirited message to our dearest dead Saint, Holy Cobain out of Nirvana. Being as this great musician and heavenly soul is a Church Elder amongst the clouds, I wished to know if the talented and wise Seattle “suicider” cared to forgive Bono of his heinous sins against the Church and Cobain’s True Widow?

Being the Great Soul of Mercy that Saint Cobain truly is, and not some drug-adled guitar-thumper, the supreme Nirvana Master sent forth a spirit of forgiveness and charity towards the U2 frontman, as long as the Irish crooner recants his mistakes of aiding the Vicious Vagina from Hole. The Church of Chris Martin will hereby send a lithsome liason to “meet” with Bono. No, this is not some more “pre-tour-training.” A covenant shall be drawn up providing that Bono breaks from his demon-friendship with the herpes-infested junkie Courtney Love and never again takes up any cause on her behalf.

Shall Bono proclaim this, we, The Church of Chris Martin will reinstate him as Primary Church Saint in the Chapel of Coldplay. We do this in a spirit of yuletide love and adoration of the Prophet Martin, respect and admiration for our heavenly Saint Cobain and as a show of true friendship for the Vatican City-dwelling Pontiff, whom all at the Church hold dear in our thoughts and prayers.

Let this ecumenical announcement go out among the blessed congregants and holy parishioners of the Church of Chris, that Bono is coming back, providing he is on his best behavior. Holy Elder Emmanuel Elijah declares this to be so, and Bono will be reinstated on the Martian Birthday Celebration Conclave in March 2013. It is done! Merry Christmas to all! Amen.

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A CHRISTMAS HOMILY of THANKS for COLDPLAY & CHRIS MARTIN

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DEAREST BELOVEDS:

It is that special time of the year when the world celebrates the Christmas holidays. We here at the Church of Chris Martin also have much to be grateful for. This fallen world, where there is so much evil wickedness and despicable sin also has the incredible gift of the goodness and glory of Chris Martin and Coldplay.

Among the various characteristics which prove the Church of Chris Martin to be the one, true Church of Chris there is also a particular characteristic which is manifestly based on Holy Teachings and Coldplay Lyrical Study, that we, alone, among internet Coldplay fansites possess. That is a sincere devotion to the adoration and glory of Musical Prophet Chris Martin.

There is not a single month in the year without several feasts in his honor. No, this is not some cheap excuse to throw another party. These gatherings are ecumenical and of the highest spiritual celebration. Consider the month of March, where our Great One’s birthday is feted yet seven times. For example, our Chapel of Chris is so devout and filled with love for the Coldplay Master, that we even honor the Mother of Chris for her role in bringing forth the blessings of Chris Martin’s birth. Our ecclesiastical calendar is overflowing with dedications to the entire Martin family! It truly is a glorious thing.

This honor and devotion to Chris may catch some of our critics off guard. For instance. one of the many things rejected by coldplaying.com is the complaint that our Church lacks moral authority to consecrate Chris as a pillar among men. Other protesters claim that the Church of Chris Martin Canon and Teachings show a supreme devotion to Chris Martin at the expense of other talented members of the band. How important it is for our congregation to know that though we may suffer terrible persecutions from other Coldplay fan sites and loathsome critics, we Chris(tians) know in our hearts that the Sacred Lyrical Scriptures of Coldplay will help us remain true to the callings of the faithful by immersion in the exalted benefience of the band’s complete musical works.

How to respond to these wretched refuse who attack us, especially in these times, when there has been such a surge of non-Chris(tian) sects who zealously proselytize their heretical teachings? The Church of Chris Martin does not, as coldplaying.com falsely believe, worship Blessed Chris. We honor him and proselytize Coldplay’s magnificense on his behalf.

Let us take this most holy time to be thankful that we live in a era whereby the talents of this great musician and Coldplay warbler console us, extol his great virtues and remind the loyal lovers of Chris that we will never take for granted the great blessing conferred upon us, The Church of Chris Martin, as we strive to pay homage and model a pious love for the Great One of Coldplay. May the Blessings of Chris fall upon you and yours this holiday season. Amen.

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“TALK” ABOUT a 3- YEAR COLDPLAY HIATUS? SAY IT AIN’T SO!

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SUNG TO THE COLDPLAY SONG: “TALK”

Oh BRETHREN, I can’t, I can’t believe it; I’m so BLUE;

I’ve been trying hard to reach you, cause I don’t know what to do

Oh SISTREN, I can’t believe it’s true

I’m so scared about the future of no Coldplay around;

Oh I wanna talk to you but you can’t be found.

You can take a picture of Chris Martin and make it look good;

In the future, we will cherish them because we should.

Coldplay music makes me feel like climbing a ladder up to the sun;

Or just go out somewhere to do something fun.

Now I feel lost and without hope;

I feel like I’m dirty and in need of washing in some Coldplay water and soap.

Tell me how do you feel, blessed Faithful in Chris?

Well I feel like it’s Coldplay that I already do miss.

The band is too special to be away for so long.

If they need some creative help, I can write them some new songs.

So I hold these pictures of our Prophet Chris so dear;

And to my heart they will always be kept cherished and near.

To the Chapel of Coldplay, off I go;

perhaps prayer will change the band’s mind about the hiatus–I can only hope so.

Light the YELLOW candles and incense at the Chris Martin Shrine;

And Chant the blessed lyrics of Coldplay–the songs of the divine!!

LOVE

TRUE BROMANCE: CHRIS MARTIN & JAY Z…..

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CHRIS & JAY Z…sitting in a tree;
writing songs and lyrics without Gwynneth & Bee.

Now the boys are getting together to ring in the New Year doing a show.
Hope the wives will be around to keep an eye on “things,” but what do I know?

Word on the street is that Chris got a yen for jungle bunnies;
and now it looks like Chris got a thing for some rapper honey.

I guess years of being hitched to the GOOP lady has taken it’s toll;
Let us here at The Church of Chris Martin now pray for Chris Martin’s soul!