Monsignor Guido Lasagna, the supreme master of papal liturgical ceremonies, relayed a Papal message to The Church of Chris Martin. Knowing of our deep love and admiration for our Blessed Arch Pope and founder, Father Drobbingdon, our Marion-worshiping friends over in Vatican City sent word of their desire to agree to our request to canonize the martyred Arch Pope. Pope Benedict spoke lovingly of our Father, calling the great man an example of the “splendor of the noble simplicity” of our virtual Church.
The Holy See noted in his missive, that our canonization request is a “definitive honor through which the supreme pontiff decrees that a servant of God, already listed among the blessed, is to be inscribed in the catalog of saints and venerated in the universal church. Pope Benedict promises, through his authority exercised, to use his triple invocation of God’s help in asking for divine assistance in returning Father Drobbingdon back to the Church, proper.
The Holy Elders agree to not press any criminal charges against out Supreme Master, should he return to the Church fold. All tithe monies and property that Father Drobbingdon absconded with, including the Golden Throne, has had their title transferred to the Arch Pope, whose integrity and honesty, is now, of course. beyond reproach.
Furthermore, The Catholics over in Rome are very proud of how our Church has forged a peaceful alliance with the heretics over at coldplaying.com. The Pope made note of that in his solemn “Saint Drobbingdon Liturgy Mass.” Here is the prayer said on behalf of our Spiritual Founder, Father Drobbingdon, now to be referred to in the future as SAINT DROBBINGDON.
““O Saint Drobbingdon, you renew the divine love inspired by Chris Martin and Coldplay by raising up earthly men and women–outstanding in their holiness, and fashion them into living witnesses of heavens unchanging love. O Saint Drobbingdon, you reach out your hand to the wretched refuse of coldplaying.com in friendship. Your heroic spirit and constant prayers are of ennobled greatness. The Glastonbury Pilgrimage you made to seek the Coldplay redemption sealed your soul with a resolute anointing that all shall cherish and admire forevermore. All hail the great SAINT DROBBINGDON!