HELP! COLDPLAYING.COM WANTS TO SECRET SANTA ME!

HELP ME! Coldplaying.com just sent Chicks.dig.Coldplay an invitation to “Secret Santa!”

I am at a loss for words to describe why the hooligans over at the wanker’s basement want to exchange yuletide gifts with me? Right now the relationship between The Church of Chris Martin & coldplaying.com exists in a stable stratosphere of benign neglect and many Holy Elders would like to keep it that way? Perhaps coldplaying.com wishes to bridge the gap and views the holidays as a time to do so? An internet marriage of sorts in the name of Chris Martin? I will pray in the Chapel of Chris on this invitation. Deacon Frederick told me to agree to the Secret Santa arrangement & send over an entire array of Church of Chris Martin merchandise! That means the “Yellow” gift basket containing the Chris Martin Liturgical Song Analysis booklet, the Martinite Lingerie Collection in “Shiver” along with the Mother Gwyneth “Fix You (A Meal) kitchen apron. Yes, I will even throw in the fair-traded recycled plastic condoms with Chris’s mug on them. Brother Rob insists I send over the “Birth of a Chris Martin Fan” painting that features a sexy gal realizing the divinity of Chris. I think that’s a splendid idea! Let those heretic pillow-case jackals realize that all the hot chicks are over at The Church of Chris Martin!

Perhaps I should not be so repulsed by this invitation and look on it favorably as a means to convert several clueless coldplaying.com-ers into the righteous way of life?

Nevertheless, here is what the breathless pagans at coldplaying.com sent me:

“Dear Coldplayer,

Santa here! :santa:

It’s getting colder (or warmer if you live on the other side of the equator) and it might start snowing soon so it’s time for another edition of Secret Santa!

If you don’t know exactly what Secret Santa is all about, check out these threads:

* Secret Santa 2009: http://www.coldplaying.com/forum/showthread.php?t=62303
* Secret Santa 2010: http://www.coldplaying.com/forum/showthread.php?t=72847
* Secret Santa 2011: http://www.coldplaying.com/forum/showthread.php?t=78737

If you would like to join this awesome project please let us know asap. The deadline for signing up is 31 October, 11:59 PM CET.”

PRAY for me, Friends, that I do the right thing here. It is an opportunity to offer a hand of friendship (please coldplaying.com, NOT A STICKY HAND,) but one that is full of the throbbing love and blessed adoration of the Coldplay warbler! Amen.

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