DYBBUK BOX WITH COURTNEY LOVE’S NAME ON IT: We Need a Jewish Exocist!

The Dybbuk Box (or Dibbuk Box) is “the commonly used name of a wine cabinet which is said to be haunted by a dybbuk. In Jewish folklore a Dybbuk is a restless (usually malicious) spirit believed to be able to haunt and even possess the living,” according to Wikipedia. This evil spirit seeks out the innocent among us, to overtake and fill with their putrid malevolence.

There is much folklore and history regarding the Dybbuk Box and most of it involves numerous owners of the boxes reporting strange phenomena accompanying it. In ””The Possession” movie,  which a group of devout Holy Elders saw today, a series of horrific nightmares, ill health, the feeling of being cursed and the ever-present but unexplained smells of cat urine or jasmine flowers are experienced by the poor souls tormented by the unleashed spawn of Satan. Night terrors that involved a crazy, old hag seeking to take over an earthly body are often cited as proof that a Dybbuk (or Jewish demon) has escaped the box and only a proper Hasidic Devil Cleanse can bring relief. Speaking of a crazy, old hag brings me directly to the subject of COURTNEY LOVE!

It might interest the pious among us to know that Church of Chris Martin nemesis: the Vicious Vagina–Courtney Love, is said to be possessed of a lethal entity so maniacally despicable, that it becomes hard to distinguish the difference between the Hole tramp’s certified craziness and whatever vile spirit possesses her. Courtney Love has taken wretched evil to a level that only a few human beings ever will. As her shameful gutter life falls apart: she lost custody of her daughter (permanently),  who now will have absolutely nothing to do with her, demolished her face via nose jobs, got some crappy tattoos,  and posted naked pictures of her pendulous breasts and withered corpse on Twitter, some would call that ‘karma.’ The big musical comeback she had planned sputtered and quickly faded, as did sales of her last album.

CHURCH: the time therefore appears ripe to call out the beast within the Vicious Vagina and exorcize her back into the Dybbuk Box–to be constrained for Hell & eternity. Holy Elders had success healing the Potato-Head Cripple but he was a walk-in-the-park compared to the work that we must pursue of exorcizing the Harridan Love. This will be a Church undertaking like no other, so please go to your Tabernacle of Chris and pray on this matter.

Do not forget that it was this Walking Herpes Factory that cast her evil onto the elfin spirit of our dearly beloved Heavenly Saint Cobain, who was then martyred on our behalf–to become our other-worldly advocate on the other side. We ask any righteous Jewish exorcists to please come to the aid of The Church of Chris Martin as we prepare to exorcise Courtney Love and place her back into the Dybbuk Box, where she can do no more harm.

This crusade to rid the world of the Hell Hole Courtney is one that will require every ounce of spiritual armor, strength, and fortitude we possess. Gird your loins, Church, for the battle is not for the weak of spirit. May the Glory of Chris arise to anoint each of us with the perfect preparation in order to smite the curse of the Vicious Vagina forevermore. Amen.

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