Dearest Brethren & Sistren:
Good news has come to the Divine Chapel of Chris. Church accountants have been scouring the tithe funds and offshore banks where Father Drobbingdon once hid monies from the flock. Apparently, our illustrious former Arch Pope forgot about a few of the accounts he squandered away. Our Church of Chris Martin has now claimed these substantial accounts due to the disappearance of Father Drobbingdon.
In order to take title to the fortune, High Elders had to come up with a reason for transfer and we held a quickie conclave to come to a Holy Conclusion: WE ARE GOING INTO SPACE!
Yes, that is correct! The Church of Chris Martin is now taking reservations to ride Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic into the Great Beyond! There we will float in the ether–suspended in an anointed state of weightlessness, meditating on the holiness of Chris and how the STARS are so YELLOW!
The Church has already received approval to blast our Coldplay iPods into space during the 60-mile flight in a goodwill attempt to contact ET’s and UFO’s with a message of earthly friendship. We also seek to covey our desire to share the devout appreciation we have for the Coldplay warbler with those bug-eyed aliens.
Yes, dear congregants, you are not dreaming. This is what Father Drobbingdon would want us to do. Take our extreme love and praise for the Great One of Coldplay and beam it out into space where the universe can share with us– the magnificence of Chris Martin. Those wishing to join the expedition to outer space must take part in a Virgin Galactic one week training. Also, traveling parishioners will need to complete the Church of Chris Martin-mandated teachings and indoctrination program and pass the Coldplay lyrical test on first try. All space voyagers will need to be in good Church standing. A letter of recommendation from a Holy Church Elder is required.
Please repair to your Tabernacle of Chris flattering photos room and pray on this opportunity. The Heavens will finally declare the GLORY OF CHRIS MARTIN, when we blast off into space! Viva!