THE PRAYER of ST. CHRIS of COLDPLAY (with special thanks to St. Francis of Assisi)

The prayer of Blessed Chris of Coldplay with thanks to St. Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument that will guarantee hit songs;
a righteous piano or divine guitar that I can play when I smoke my (inspirational) bongs.

Where there is steady Billboard sales, my managers will sow me some love; where there is a lukewarm media response, let me pray for better reviews from above.

where there is doubt about the tour schedule; replace it with peace.
where there is despair about the groupies; let your cares cease.
where there might be bad weather in Seattle, so what’s new?

It’s never raining when you are praying for #1’s in a pious Church pew!

Lord and Master, please grant that I may not so much seek to be faithful cause there’s so many hot babes in Tinseltown;

Surely God understands, I’ve got to catch me some skinny blond L.A. action to get that “special” Coldplay sound.

To know I have a Church of Chris Martin that worships me in a reverential piety; They understand I’m not a spiritual player–just a part of our narcissistic society.

To be loved as to love, just don’t tell Mother Gwyn.

She just paid for that new L.A. house, and on her millions, I still depend.

For it is in giving that we receive; and I am ready to share.
Pardon me if my offer offends you, but I really don’t care.
And it is in living large that we enjoy the best of this life.

And I am so dying to ditch my ice queen GOOP wife! Amen.


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