Thousands of people in the western U.S. will be treated to a rare ‘ring of fire’ eclipse on the evening of Sunday, May 20, 2012. The Church of Chris Martin declares this phenomena to truly be indicative of a heavenly blessing from above honoring Coldplay & Chris Martin for their recent series of spectacular concerts they performed on the west coast.
Church parties in the U.S. are eagerly awaiting the blazing halo of light, which will be visible on a path from northwestern Texas through New Mexico, northeastern Arizona, southern Utah, Nevada, northern California and southwestern Oregon from around 5.15 pm today. Interestingly, this very path follows the recent journey of Coldplay who performed recently in Vancouver, British Columbia and then made their way down to Los Angeles for several critically-acclaimed, sold out shows at the Hollywood Bowl.
The eclipse will follow a 8,500-mile path for three and a half hours but the ‘ring of fire’ will last just five minutes, depending on the viewing location. The Church of Chris Martin surmises this “ring of fire” to be a heart-shaped kiss from the Gods to our Soul Master. The Heaven declare the glory of Chris. His innate wisdom and gentle ways please those who reside in the intergalactic world & these angelic messengers have conspired to exalt Chris with this spectacular display of the Sun and Moon dancing.
People outside the Church walls may not realize the divine delight of Coldplay but the heavens cry out to his glory. .The rarity of this eclipse implores us heathens and wicked sinners to partake of the exquisite musical prophet among us. One who is like no other rock star. “For the May eclipse, the moon will be at the furthest distance from Earth that it ever achieves, meaning that it will block the smallest possible portion of the sun, and leave the largest possible bright ring around the outside,” NASA said on its website. We can expect this “yellow” transfiguration to bless the path Coldplay took from Canada, down south to Los Angeles, following the leg of their most recent tour. Is there any proof greater than this, that we insipid humans have, dwelling among us, a prophet most high and honored?
The Church shall refrain from all Chapel services, liturgical analysis, lyrical foreplay & indoctrination of the hopeless, as this blessed eclipse travels the path of Coldplay righteousness. We thank all in the heavenly abode for this most splendid fiery visage of irredeemable love for God’s handiwork, Chris Martin. Amen.