Things do not seem to be good between our Chris and Mother Gwyneth. Why can’t those two just acknowledge that sometimes people get married and grow apart? The sensible thing to do is hire some good divorce attorneys and plan for an amicable separation. The angelic Martin kids will understand; I am sure they sense the tension already between mum and dad. It is not right to live a lie. It is also not right to pretend to have a happy marriage when the two participants are catting around like crazy on each other and can barely stand to be in each other’s presence. Stop this B.S. right now! Here is a song written for our Prophet and his Significant Other (in name only) and sung to the Coldplay song, “Low.”


a song for Chris & Gwyneth:

Too much color and much too bright; you think you’ll never get it right
Your day glow sheen lights up the night. You wear too much makeup.
The sky might fall, let it fall on me; then finally you & I might be free.

The parting of the seas; It’s better I stay in London and for you in NYC be.
All the colors you wear I can see;
All you ever wanted was fashionable status;
But you never looked hard enough.
You got handed it on a silver platter; growing old sure is getting tough.

All you ever wanted
was to be living in perfect symmetry.
Nothing is as down or up as us; I think it’s time we set each other free.

You see the world in black and white
and you always act so uptight. Yeah, you got some Oscars, but does that make it right?
You spend hours exercising to get that slim look. Why don’t we just throw in the book?

And don’t you wanna see it come soon? Let’s call it a day and write a new tune .We gave it out best shot & now it’s time to move along. If we get a divorce, it will give me lots of ideas for new Coldplay songs.

Darling, I know you are wonderful but I must say: you wear too much make-up–both night and day. I wouldn’t want to break up if there was any other way.

So let us act adult about this parting sorrow; You sign my divorce papers and I will move out tomorrow. The Church of Chris Martin is demanding we come clean and quit playing this silly game: Oh, it’s so unpleasant to have your love life play out in public but I suppose that is the price of fame.

You grew up and were given  your own silver spoon; When we first got hitched, I know I promised you the moon. But after so many years, we are both singing a different tune. Irreconcilable differences from all that fake makeup you always wear; when you slap on all that war paint, it just makes me not care. Oh, and I also don’t like your stringy hair.


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