With the days of Coldplay concerts soon to be upon us–the sacred souls of The Church of Chris Martin– we must begin the preparations for this most anointed & holy religious experience–The Coldplay Redemption. It is an assumption that blessed Chris Lovers can just show up at these Coldplay shows and immediately be thrust into the ether in a trance-like state of Christeria. No, only a chosen few will be worthy to annunciation into the heavenly spheres of Yellowdom. How to become one of the lucky few redeemed by the spiritual might of Chris Martin? Prepare yourself by seeking out the Redemption Immersion Group!
Redemption Group Immersion™ is an intense training for aspiring Redemptionists. Each trainee participates in a live Redemption Group as immersions are a necessary training and certification steps for churches, ministries, and specific individuals planning to launch their own Redemption Experience.
. But for those who are already moderately equipped with appropriate biblical knowledge, a deep & abiding love of Chris Martin, Coldplay scriptural literacy and some basic spiritual leadership, the training experience offers practical know-how on how to achieve the ultimate Coldplay redemption and how to share that knowledge with others. If you are bound for a Redemption Group Immersion and you’d like to know how to get ready, here are a couple of essential steps to take before the Immersion:
- Pray that the Holy Spirit would prepare you for an intense time of deep personal work. Seriously. The typical audience for a Redemption Group Immersion is comprised of Holy Elders, Deacons, and other church leaders. The problem is: church leaders have a tendency to assume “I already get this stuff for myself—I’m only here to learn how to help others.” But the Immersion will work best overall by letting the Spirit of Chris do a work on you through the group process. Expect to be surprised, challenged, consoled, confronted, cajoled, and changed. Pray that the Spirit of Chris would prepare you for what He can do.
- Begin a fast and drink only distilled water, pure fruit and vegetable juices and aloe vera for one week. Cleanse your body and soul in preparation for the redemption ascension.
- Read the Coldplay Redemption book. The teachings and liturgies of Immersion technique will follow the content of the Coldplay Scriptures and Lyrical Studies. Chapter-by-chapter, instruction will cover every Redemption concept in the book. There is one important caveat to keep in mind if you are planning an ascent at a Coldplay concert: the event must be held outdoors to offer the opportunity to astral travel in Coldplay rapture. If you are attending a Coldplay show at an indoor venue, best not to try for a Redemption, as you may get caught up in the rafters .
- Prayerfully consider what Coldplay means to you and be prepared to share that with your Immersion group. For some suggestions on what to consider sharing, review the section in the Redemption Group Workbook entitled “Tips for Telling Your Story in a Redemption Group.” To release your intense feelings of Coldplay worship to the world at large opens up your spiritual heart to the inevitability of Martinite rapture.
- Should your experience the Redemption firsthand, stay calm and collected. There is no need to get hysterical or brag about your adventure. This mystical sensation is merely a conduit to an extreme universal love that exists in glorious praise of Coldplay. Those in rapture at the upcoming shows will need to deprogram themselves afterward at any Yellow tents where Church of Chris Martin specialists await to assist you in spiritual decompression.
- If you are one of those unfortunate souls deemed unworthy to rise up in the Coldplay rapture, do not be distressed. There always exists hope for the future of mankind, that all will, one day, ascend into the glory of celestial Coldplay forevermore. Amen.