In honor of the homage and great spiritual exaltation we have shown you as the Great Grunge God out of Nirvana, The Church of Chris Martin now appeals to you for a most blessed favor.
Coldplay and Chris Martin–our beloved musical prophets–will soon require your otherworldly aid in helping to anoint another astounding COLDPLAY REDEMPTION when the Brit boys perform 3 sold-out Hollywood Bowl shows this coming May. Under the starry skies in La-La Land, the Church implores our most ordained Heart-Shaped Box to rain down upon the masses gathered to enjoy Coldplay, a most righteous and anointed LOVE BUZZ that will coalesce into the ultimate COLDPLAY REDEMPTION.
We call forth the Seattle soul of the departed Cobain to prepare the Good Works that will allow for those worthy souls at the Hollywood Bowl to raise up out of their seats and astral travel above the concert to soar into the ether world of Coldplay omnipotence. Once safely back down on the earthly plane, we implore the Star of Cobain to transmit the other dimensional heavenly healing that only the Great Grunge Master can emit to the world at large.
The Church of Chris Martin must prove to the braying naysayers, the decrepit critics and the drooling jackals that inhabit coldplaying.com, last summer’s Glastonbury visitation and resurrection was not some silly publicity ploy or Church prank! We will prove to a disbelieving world, the power of Coldplay redemption and the glory of our Church devoted to Soul Master Martin. May the Star of Cobain burn brightly forevermore and pray for a undefiled Coldplay annunciation at the Hollywood Bowl in May. Amen.
Go in the path of Coldplay and sin no more.