That loathsome back-slidden former Christian and embarrassment to her Godly minister parents, KATY PERRY, is hereby commanded by the Elders of The Church of Chris Martin to remove her wicked spirit of sexual temptation and unrepentant narcissism from the righteous presence of the Coldplay prophet, Chris Martin.
At award shows or otherwise, we, The Blessed Chapel of Chris, demand that the bosomy vixen and Hollywood divorcee-Katy Perry- not defile the magnificence of our Holy One by her devilish displays of comely pulchritude. KATY PERRY: your lot was cast with Satan when you married that Brit demon, Russell Brand. You turned your back on the pious faith your devout parents raised you up with. Now you are nothing more than another Hollywood Harlot and Jezebel–seeking to put your manicured claws into our Spiritual Leader Chris Martin. By your flirtatious behavior with the Coldplay warbler at the Pre-Grammy’s Music Cares Tribute, you have brought down the wrath of the Church of Chris Martin upon yourself and cast yourself into the waiting room of THE LAKE OF FIRE.
In the Bible, Jezebel was a powerful, wicked queen, and wife of a passive king called Ahab. She was a vain, false prophetess who worshiped the false god, Baal. Baal was the god of prosperity, god of Hollywood hoochies, and god of ambitious adulterers. Does this sound like someone you know, KATY PERRY?
Jezebel was a witch, and her spirit of witchcraft is alive today in this breast-flashing, unholy woman-KATY PERRY! The Church of Chris Martin must work to remove this Jezebel from the midst of the Blessed Martin. All in good faith and church standing are invited to attend the CAST OUT THE DEMON OF KATY PERRY LITURGY and MASS this weekend.
Gird yourself, Saints of Chris, for much spiritual work will be required of you and fervent prayers for the safety of Chris must be offered up to tear down the strongholds of KATY JEZEBEL PERRY! Be prepared for demon warfare! As a group, we shall bind and cast out the blaphemous spirit in the name of Holy Saint Cobain, and we will persist until it is gone. Expect high resistance, since KATY PERRY is a wicked, controlling (witch) spirit. There will be screaming and yelling before she is cast out. The shameless Jezebel will try to attack you and call you names. Also, expect and ignore the Jezebel’s attempts to throw you off your game by flashing her breasts (like she did to the little kiddies on Sesame Street) during her exorcism & deliverance. Sometimes the spirit cycles unmercifully between being the attacker, and being a victim. This is to confuse you, so do not give in. Resist the urge to gawk at this Jezebel’s mammary glands and show of leg!
It is incumbent upon The Chapel of Divine Coldplay Love to free our Holy Master Martin from the grips of this Hollywood prostitute’s conniving insouciance and sexual zealotry. If KATY PERRY does NOT repent, then The Church of Chris Martin has no choice but order the dreaded Desanctification Ritual! KATY PERRY will be banned for all of eternity from “Paradise–“Coldplay heaven! The Holy Elders will ask that she be issued the dreaded WRIT OF CONDEMNATION! This Jezebel needs to learn the meaning of “HANDS OFF CHRIS MARTIN!” If Mother Gwyneth is too busy canoodling with prettyboy Rob Lowe at the Zoo in Santa Barbara, then it falls upon The Church of Chris Martin to put this California Dreamin Jezebel down! God Bless Our Sanctuary. It is Done!