PILGRIMAGE TO THE HOLY LAND OF CHRIS MARTIN’S BIRTHPLACE-RESERVE YOUR SPOT NOW!

Dearest Friends of Chris,

As February winds down and March approaches, the upcoming Holy Birthday of Prophet Martin will soon be upon us. As we, The Church of Chris Martin, are called by God to proclaim the greatness of our Coldplay warbler, it is now incumbent upon us to make that divine journey north for the Chris Martin Birth Jubilee!

Last year, The Church successfully trekked to Exeter, Devon to pay homage to the life and birth of the Prophet Martin. In a trip filled with exciting activities and visits to shrines and places of Martinite worship, The Church became filled with blessed tidings of Coldplay glory. Many in our Chapel of Chris feel that the trip to honor Chris was a valuable spiritual precursor for those that experienced the Coldplay Redemption at Glastonbury later on that summer.

By our efforts to experience the early life and times of our Great One of Coldplay, a greater understanding of Coldplay lyrics, metaphors, similes, and cryptic meanings can be ascertained. Any true fan of Coldplay and lover of Chris will want to thrill to the revelations of his early life in the lovely northern England countryside.

The schedule will be much like last years. First, as a sign of respect for the blessed womb that birthed our Music Master, we shall lay a wreath of beautiful flowers at the front doorstep of the Martin family home. So as not to appear pushy to the Martin’s, all pilgrims must refrain from attempting to contact Mr. & Mrs. Martin although our hearts cry out in thanks for their part in making Chris Martin appear 9 months after some limey hanky-panky. The Coldplay singer’s pre-preparatory Hylton School and preparatory Exeter Cathedral School is on the visiting agenda as it was at the prep school that Martin formed his first band–The Rocking Honkies. According to Wikipedia, “their debut performance was met with boos from the crowd.” Shameful!After Exeter Cathedral, it is on to the Sherborne School, a boys’ independent school in Dorset, where Chris met future Coldplay manager Phil Harvey, the so-called “5th member” of the band.

This pilgrimage will seek out special places where Chris liked to recreate at, such as the local park, cinema complex and local music shops. As always, special jaunts to honor Chris are sure to sell out fast so get your non-refundable deposits in now!. The best way to experience Chris Martin in all his merciful magnificence is to come pay a visit and honor his early years. May Mrs. Martin accept our esteemed thanks and good graces for the miraculous birth of the Blessed Coldplayer. Viva!

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