Dearest Heavenly Father, why did the original Church of Chris Martin disappear? I got such a load of laughs from reading all the crazy things they said about me. I had one of the more clever and witty Church pages and Bono out of U2 was very jealous! Please alight your inspiration upon worthy Coldplay fans that they might conspire to resurrect my Church of Chris Martin and get the Good Coldplay Word out to this wicked, depraved, sinful, fornicating world. Amen.